I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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