when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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