i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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