Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
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