Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
