He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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