I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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