She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
There are leaves in my underwear?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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