considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
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when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
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Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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