We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are