Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"