we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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