Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
