O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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