What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
how does that bad decision feel?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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