i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
