Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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