Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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