how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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