summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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