too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
