i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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