He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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