pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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