Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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