when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
