Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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