HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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