And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
