I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
