btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
