Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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