So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
