Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
