I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
