His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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