Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
