I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
