He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
