You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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