Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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