umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
soo... how was my night?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
