I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
