Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
