Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
