my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
