Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
