I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
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So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
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I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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