They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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