She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize