He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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