oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
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We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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