There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
