1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Such a big mess for such a small penis
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
