Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
