you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
