I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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