we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
