How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
