I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
