But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
