Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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