The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize