Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
