opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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