just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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