I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
