So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Vodka?
Forever.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
