Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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