These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
