You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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