Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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