I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
only you would photoshop your dick
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
