If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
