I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
