help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
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I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
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the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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