I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
