yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
