You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
