I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
