What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
