And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
